The heart still aches

It’s been a little over two months since my dad passed away and I’d say the pain hurts worst now than it did the first couple weeks. The thing that’s screwing with me is I still think he’s still here when I have a question/need advice or just want to talk. I went to visit him everyday for three months while he was bouncing around to different hospitals and I still think I’m going into visit him and give him the latest sports/pirates news. I haven’t been sleeping too good and have nightmares constantly. My mind just still can’t comprehend how his last month my dad was progressing so good and was getting back to being able to walk again then BOOM 30 minutes that night after I left we got the call his heart stopped and they were moving him to ICU. By the time we got there he never made it there and we stood in the hallway watching all the doctors and nurses performing CPR then after 20 mins hearing the pulse flatline and the doctor walking out while I asked is he gone and he just shook his head. That still haunts me and really screws with me. His last three months it hurts me since he wasn’t himself then the last month he was finally getting back to the dad I knew and loved greatly. I know life isn’t fair but it truly isn’t fair there’s so many pieces of shits out there who get so many chances and disrespect the gift of life then there’s people like my dad who helped anybody he could and did so much for his family get screwed big time. Not a day goes by I don’t think about him and talk to him as if he’s not actually gone but just that I’ll see him later.

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